T-shirts for People Beat Down by Winter

I just finished a new site selling t shirts with funny (at least I think so) messages aimed at old man winter, who consequently, has been kicking our butts here in Spokane as of late. The site is Snowkane T-shirts.

Where I’m At Now

This blog is officially stale, moldy cheese. Keep up to date with me at http://schlange.tumblr.com/.

Christianese Deciphered

Man, this list is awesome. A definite must-read. If you don’t read it…well, bless your heart!

he following is a list of phrases in the impenetrable language of “Christianese.” For those unfamiliar with this strange dialect, I have compiled a helpful Christianese-English Dictionary so that you can find out what your Christian friend is really saying to you. If you have any other troubling Christianese phrases, please post them and I will happily translate them and add them to this list. (Please read this with a grain of salt.)

1. I’ll pray about it = NO!

2. We need to pray for so and so = Guess what I just heard?!

3. I’m waiting for God to open some doors = I’m living in my parent’s basement.

4. God gave me a word for you = I have advice to help you with your disaster of a life.

5. I’m going to have my quiet time = Leave me the heck alone!

6. God is good = My life sucks.

7. Bless his/her heart = What an idiot.

8. I have the gift of discernment = I can judge people without even talking to them.

9. I was having fellowship with them = We had beer and pizza and watched the game instead of going to church.

10. I’m saved by grace, not works = I can do whatever the heck I want.

11. She caused me to stumble = What a skank.

12. I kissed dating goodbye = I couldn’t get a blind date, literally.

13. Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth = I can’t believe you said the real curse word!

14. I don’t mean to judge but… = I’m going to judge.

15. I’m dating Jesus right now = Are you kidding? I’m way out of your league.

16. God wants me to take some time off from this relationship = I met someone else and I’m too coward to break up with you.

17. I’ll pray about marrying you = NO!

18. God told me that we are supposed to get married = Maybe you’ll say yes if God is behind this.

19. I’m fasting = Your spiritual life is miniscule compared to mine. Try to keep up.

20. God has called me to minister to her = She’s really hot.

21. I think you should pray about it = You’ll see that I’m right.

22. We’ve decided to court, not date = My parents have a death grip on my life.

23. Courting = Homeschool dating.

24. Lord willing = My plans are His plans.

25. Take this with a grain of salt = I’m about to really offend you.

26. I’m feeling convicted about this = One day my actions might change too!

27. Have I offended you? = Why are you treating my like garbage?

28. Who wants to pray? = I don’t want to pray right now.

29. Jesus turned water into wine = Jesus turned water into grape juice. (Southern Baptist Dialect)

30. Jesus turned water into wine = I can drink whatever I want. (Presbyterian Dialect)

Truly Free Blackberry Themes

http://forums.crackberry.com/f33/copy-cingular-8800-wallpaper-t-mobile-8800-a-934/#post7920

This works great. I now have ten additional themes from Vodophone, Orange, Verizon etc. These aren’t the crappy themes that people build and try to sell. Highly recommended to do.

The one thing I had trouble with was finding the blackberry.alx file. Connect your Pearl and open the desktop manager. Click Application Loader and click the prompts until you get to the list of apps on your device. The first one is the device software. Highlight it and then click the Details button. This will show you where it stored on your computer.

Maybe I’ll post some screenshots of the new themes a bit later.

Disc Golf Discs

I have been working on this disc golf site for a while and am happy to say it’s go time. The site is a Disc Golf Disc Trading web site that was born out of my love for playing disc golf. Since approximately 0 of you play disc golf you may not care…so let’s end this post now.

Best Video Ever

Paul Pots rules. Watch it once a day to keep yourself inspired.

It’s Official…I’m Awesome

I believe it reads “While I am able to hold up this well-crafted bamboo circle with only two hands as well as hit other men in the crotch with sticks (also of bamboo) I am no match for the Schlange!”

And he’s right.

First bubble tea

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First bubble tea, originally uploaded by schevange.

Have you tried this yet? The Asian school girl phenominon that is bubble tea? Basically a heavily flavored tea, mine was strawberry, with large tapioca balls at the bottom. Toss in a horse straw and you can sick those balls right up. Very interesting and very Asian.

Rafting in Trout Lake

My friend Morgan is a rafting guide for Zoller’s Rafting in Trout Lake, Washington and yesterday he took me for a friendly float along with some paying customers. The following pictures are us going over Husum (spelling?) falls. Pay special attention to how people look when they come back up, it’s amusing.

First bar fight

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First bar fight, originally uploaded by schevange.

She lost but put up a good fight.

Actually she is just learning to sit up and fell forward onto one of those small wooden alphabet blocks, took it right in the eye. Then our 3 year old hit her in the same eye this morning.